Spa Games
by Red Witch
Summary: In another one of Pietro's 'brilliant' ideas, the Brotherhood go to a spa to relax and fix themselves up.


**I don't own any X-Men Evolution characters. I just had another insane thought running through my brain. I get a lot of those. **

**Spa Games**

"We are going **where**?" Lance yelped. 

"To Valerie's," Pietro said matter of factly. "The city's most prestigious and exclusive spa."

"Okay I'll bite," Todd folded his arms. "Why?"

"Well for a couple of reasons," Pietro said. "I wanted to give a kind of welcome home present to Wanda." 

"Well…" Wanda looked a little uneasy. 

"Come on Wanda," Pietro put on a puppy face. "I just wanted to do something nice for you. You deserve a little pampering after all that you've been through."

"Well it does sound thoughtful," Wanda said skeptically. "It's not like you at all."

"I agree," Lance said. "What are you up to?"

"Well it's also to help clean the rest of you all up," Pietro said. "You all need to look a bit more presentable." 

"Are you crazy?" Todd yelped. "No way are you gonna get me into one of those fancy frou-frou places! Uh uh…forget about it! No way! No how! Toady don't play that." 

"Toad," Pietro knew just what to say. "Think about it. Girls like guys who are cleaned up." He motioned towards his sister. "They like them a lot." 

Todd looked at Wanda and blinked. "What time's our appointment yo?" 

"Oh for crying out loud," Wanda grumbled. 

"Look Pietro," Lance snapped. "You may be able to snow Toad on this but count the rest of us out! We're fine the way we are!" 

"I don't know Lance," Fred said. "I could go for a facial."

"What?" Lance gave him a funny look. 

"Well they really help keep the pores open," Fred told him. "And they make the skin feel all clean and tingly." 

"Am I the only sane person in this house?" Lance asked. 

"Depends on your definition of sane," Wanda said wryly. 

"Listen Lance," Pietro said. "We have got to get our act together and start looking like a team. We need to look more professional. Think of this as some personal maintenance. What? You want to end up looking like Toad here?"

"Hey!" Todd snapped.

"I'm not that bad!" Lance snapped.

"Not yet," Pietro pointed out. "But you're getting pretty close to it. Especially since you broke up with Miss Kitty. You don't even try to brush your hair anymore." He fingered it. 

"Hands off!" Lance tried to swat him away, but he dashed out of reach. 

"Let's face it Lance," Pietro said. "You are in serious need of a makeover. I mean how are you ever gonna be a winner and get on Magneto's team if you look like a loser? I am doing this to help you. I am doing this to help the team."

"You are doing it because you want to go but you need an excuse to use the credit card Father gave you," Wanda said.

"Well that too," Pietro shrugged.

"I knew it!" She rolled her eyes. "You paid in advance didn't you?"

"Well uh yeah," Pietro admitted. "But that's beside the point!"

"Oh great!" Lance grumbled. "Forget it Pietro! There is no way you are dragging me into that place. That is final!" He folded his arms defiantly.

************************************************************************

"This is not happening," Lance moaned as Pietro, Fred, and Todd dragged him into the spa. "This is not happening. This is a very bad dream in which I am going to wake up from at any minute!" 

"Calm down Lance!" Pietro snapped. "The way you're acting you'd think that we were taking you to Death Row or something."

"That sounds pretty accurate," Lance looked around at the posh surroundings. 

A woman with blue-gray hair styled in a beehive and a smart outfit greeted them. "Ah!" She exclaimed clapping her hands. "Mr. Maximoff! How wonderful to see you again!" 

"Nora! Darling!" Pietro cooed. He gave her an affectionate air kiss. "How's tricks?"

"I don't believe this," Lance groaned. "Pietro knows the strangest people."

"He certainly does," Wanda snickered looking at Lance and the others.

"Everybody this is Nora," Pietro introduced. "She runs the place and is a good friend of mine."

"Hi there!" Todd waved.

"Yes," She looked at them. "I see what you mean Mr. Maximoff, they do need help. But first I'd like to get to know your charming sister! Come Wanda, and prepare yourself for a day of beauty and enchantment!" 

"Pietro," Wanda looked stricken. "For some reason I have the strangest feeling of déjà vu!" 

"Don't worry," Nora said in a motherly tone. "It will be just fine! I'll take care of you personally. Any thing for my dear Pietro! By the time we're through you'll be totally relaxed!"

"I bet she's heard that before," Lance grumbled underneath his breath. 

"Horace! Brian! Mr. Puffin!" Nora called out to three brightly clad gentlemen. "Please escort Mr. Maximoff's party to the mud room." She then whisked Wanda away to another room. 

"Mud room?" Todd asked. "Hey maybe this won't be so bad after all!" 

"Oh no!" Lance tried to back away. "I am not doing this! No way!" 

"Blob," Pietro snapped his fingers. Fred grabbed Lance by the collar. "Come on, Lance don't be such a baby!" 

"Yeah if I'm willing to do this you should at least give it a try," Todd told him.

"Hmmm," Mr. Puffin looked at Todd. "You have a very interesting face. Has anyone told you that?"

"Well not exactly in so many words," Todd remarked. Mr. Puffin took his face in his hands and held a magnifying glass to his face. "Hey!"

"Hmmm…My goodness, those pores are all clogged! And that smell!" He winced.

"Hey you get used to it after a while," Todd said. "Now what are you going?"

"Just a simple skin litmus test," He pressed a white cloth to Todd's cheek and then looked at it through the magnifying lens. "AGGGH! It's black!"

"Is that good?" Todd asked weakly. 

"Oh my goodness!" Mr. Puffin yelped. "I've never seen so many toxins in my life! CODE RED! CODE RED!" 

Immediately dozens of attendants came running with all sorts of towels, appliances and fruit mixtures. They grabbed Todd and threw him on a gurney. "Take him to room 122!" Mr. Puffin cried. "Cancel my 4pm! This could take a while!" He rushed after Todd in a tizzy. 

"Guys! Save me!" Todd yelped as they took him away.

"Get me out of here!" Lance tried to get away as they dragged him towards the mud room. 

Ten minutes later…

"Pietro I am going to kill you," Lance hissed. He was up to his neck in a tub of mud and it was smeared all over his face as well as his body.

"Oh calm down Lance," Pietro told him. He and Fred were in a similar situation. "It's to get rid of the toxins in your system. It's only for half an hour."

"Yeah, Lance it's no big deal," Fred told him. "Back on the farm Porky and Percy did it all the time."

"Blob unlike your pet pigs I am not thrilled at wallowing in mud!" Lance snapped.

"Actually Lance, Porky and Percy were two of the farmhands," Fred told him. "My pet pigs' names were Mr. Pinkles and Mrs. Snufflebunny. Come to think of it, they liked it too. Of course they hated it when Porky and Percy stole their mud. Until they decided to do something about it."

"Oh no," Pietro groaned. "Blob please not another farm story!" 

"Yeah that's all we need," Lance grumbled.

"Lance," Fred took a handful of mud and flung it at him. "Shut up!" 

"You shut up!" Lance took some mud and flung it back at Fred. 

"Make me!" Fred flung some more mud.

"I will!" Lance grabbed some mud and flung it at him.

"Will you two knock it off!" Pietro snapped. "I said knock it off! Stop acting like two-year-olds and listen to me. I am the leader and you should give me the respect I deserve!" 

At this both Fred and Lance threw mud right in Pietro's face. "Okay this is war!" He shouted. Soon it became a free for all. The entire room was quickly covered in mud. 

"Ahhh!" Lance suddenly screamed. "Stop! There's something alive in here!" 

"What?" Pietro asked.

"I think there's a worm in here!" Lance yelled.

"Well save it for Toad," Pietro quipped. "He can have a snack for later." 

"Hey what do you think they're doing to Toad anyway?" Fred asked.

Meanwhile a strange Toad-shaped greenish blue figure was hopping through the halls. The only thing recognizable was a pair of yellow eyes. "WANDA! WANDA SAVE ME!" He cried as he hopped all over the place, leaving a trail of goo wherever he hopped.

"Wait!" Mr. Puffin and several attendants chased him. "You're not supposed to move until the papaya-guava-blueberry-kiwi detoxifier/exfoliator sets in! Come back here! You need to sit under the heat lamps!"

"HELP ME!" Todd hopped all through the spa, knocking things over. He ran into one room and the sound of high-pitched screams came out. "Sorry ladies!" 

"Get him!" Mr. Puffin screamed. They ran in. "Now Mr. Tolensky please! OH MY GOODNESS! WHAT DID YOU SPIT ON ME? THAT IS NO WAY TO BEHAVE! WHAT THE HECK IS THIS STUFF? MY NEW OUTFIT! THIS STAIN WILL NEVER COME OUT!" 

"WANDA SAVE ME!" Todd hopped out and scampered down the hallway, knocking over objects and people alike. "THESE PEOPLE WANNA TURN ME INTO A FRUIT SALAD!" 

Meanwhile in another part of the spa a certain individual was enjoying a rare moment of peace and quiet. "AHHH!" Principal Kelly relaxed as he sat alone in the sauna. "I am so glad I decided to do this. Just what I needed to get rid of the tension. Tension caused by those blasted mutants. But no mutants here. Just peace and quiet!"

"FOR CRYING OUT LOUD BLOB I DON'T WANNA HEAR WHERE YOU STILL HAVE MUD ON YOUR BODY!" Lance's voice could be heard outside. "I TOLD YOU TO WEAR A BATHING SUIT BEFORE YOU GOT IN THAT MUDBATH!" 

"It's better for your skin if you go au natural," Fred huffed as the three boys entered the sauna. 

"Just pipe down and relax," Pietro snapped. He looked over and saw who else was in the sauna. "Well, well, well…it's a small world isn't it?" 

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?" Kelly screamed.

"Having a sauna," Fred told him. "Duh."

"Face it Kelly," Pietro grinned. "We're everywhere. You can't escape us." 

"How did maniacs like you get into this place?" Kelly yelped.

"You don't want to know," Lance said. 

"I don't believe this!" Kelly cried out. "I'll call the manager!"

"She already knows we're here," Pietro told him. 

"If you don't stay back I'll have you thrown out!" Kelly screamed.

"Promise?" Lance asked. "This is one place where I'd love to be thrown out!" 

"Well you're stuck with us for a bit," Fred said. "We have to stay here for at least ten minutes. That's how long they've locked us in."

"WHAT?" Kelly leapt up and raced towards the door. He grabbed it with his hands and tried to pull his way out. However the door handle was hot and he burned himself. "AGGGGH!" 

"I told you," Fred said. "It's probably because Pietro threw that hissy fit because they wouldn't let him have some tea in here."

"No it's because Lance punched out one of the attendants," Pietro said. 

"Well he was a little too hard with the hose!" Lance snapped.

"Oh god," Kelly whined. "Stuck in here with three lunatic…Wait a minute. Where's the fourth member of your moron brigade?"

"Oh he's hanging around someplace," Lance said. 

************************************************************************

"GET DOWN FROM THAT CHANDELIER!" Mr. Puffin screamed as Todd swung back and forth in the front reception room. 

"My goodness!" Nora screamed. "He's getting the cream all over the walls! It will cost a fortune to sand the stains out!" 

"NO!" Todd screamed. "I'm not coming down! You'll never take me alive! Uh oh…" Of course that was the moment that the chandelier broke and fell. Fortunately he landed right in the middle of a huge water fountain. 

"Ahhh!" Mr. Puffin screamed as he was splashed. "Oh no! The cream has all washed off!"

"I told you he should have worn a bathing suit!" An assistant averted his eyes. At that moment Nora fainted. 

************************************************************************

"And then the doctors said that they'd never seen a pitchfork stuck up so far up…" Fred continued his story in the sauna.

"FRED FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!" Pietro snapped. "For the last time nobody wants to hear about your Uncle Rupert's medical history!" 

"And we especially don't want you to tell it with your legs so far apart!" Kelly whined. "I really gotta get out of here!"

"Yeah it is kind of hot," Fred said. "I've had enough."

"Stuck in here all this time seeing you sweat wearing only a jumbo sized towel we've all had enough," Lance grumbled.

"No problem," Fred got up. "I'll just break down the door." And so he did. 

"FREEDOM!" Kelly ran out of there quickly.

"Hey Mr. Kelly!" Fred picked up something off the floor. "You dropped your towel!" There were loud screams. "Never mind!" 

"Nora is gonna kill me," Pietro groaned. "Come on, let's cool off and get a massage." 

"Oh yeah," Lance grumbled as he followed him. "This is gonna be fun."

Just then three buxom blondes appeared. "Hello," One of them spoke in a Swedish accent. "Ve are the Hikstrom Triplets. Ve vill be giving you your massages today."

"Pietro I totally forgive you for everything you have done in the past," Lance blinked.

"I thought you'd say that," Pietro grinned. 

"Oh here you are!" A tall woman with purple streaked black hair sauntered in. "Which one of you is Mr. Alvers?"

"Right there Hilda!" Pietro pointed.

"Time for your hair appointment," She said sweetly.

"WHAT?" Lance yelled. "NO! NOT NOW!"

"I think you might need some help," Pietro sighed as he grabbed Lance's arm. "Come on Lance."

"NO! NO!" Lance whined as he was pulled away. "What about my massage?" 

"Don't worry Lance I'll go first!" Fred waved. "Ladies!" He grinned. 

************************************************************************

"HEEEEELLLLP MEEEEEE!" Todd ran through the locker rooms with several attendants chasing him. 

"Somebody please get a bathrobe or something on him?" Mr. Puffin cried. "I hope Miss Nora is having better luck with the girl!" 

************************************************************************

"EEEEEEE!" Nora ran out of a room, objects flying behind her. "Help Me!" 

Wanda burst out of the room, wearing only a towel, a green mask on her face and some kind of purple goo in her hair. "PIETRO WHERE ARE YOU?" She screamed as she stormed through the rooms, objects flying everywhere and people scattering in terror.

************************************************************************

"Calm down Pietro," Fred pouted. He was wearing a bathrobe. 

"Calm down? How can I calm down?" Pietro snapped. He was wearing a bathrobe as well. "You wore out three masseuses!" 

"All I did was ask that they give me a full body massage," Fred played with his fingers. 

"Yeah and that totally exhausted them!" Pietro snapped.

"Run for your lives!" A woman in a pink bathrobe and green facial mask ran by. "There's a naked frog creature running around! Save me!" 

"Oh great," Pietro grumbled. "It looks like Toad has been streaking through the entire building! What more could go wrong?" 

That was when the building started to shake violently. "Right on cue," Pietro grumbled. 

At that moment Lance ran through the hallways in a bathrobe and wet hair. "You're not gonna take me alive!" He screamed. 

"Come back here!" Hilda ran behind him covered in styling gel foam and waving a pair of scissors. "I just want to cut those awful bangs off!"

"No way!" Lance cried as he overturned a tray full of bath beads in her bath. Hilda slipped and fell and went straight into a wall. "I gotta get out of here!" 

Lance burst through a door and tripped over something. He fell right on top of someone in a towel. "GET OFF ME YOU GOON!" Wanda screamed. 

"Sorry Wanda," Lance gulped. "I didn't know you were in here! I was trying to hide from this psychotic hair stylist." 

"I am going to kill my brother for this!" Wanda grumbled as he helped her up. 

"Please let me help you," Lance asked. 

Suddenly Todd burst through the door. By this time he had managed to snag a bathrobe to cover him. "Now where am I? AGGGGH!" He screamed when he saw Wanda's face. 

"Very funny Toad!" Wanda folded her arms. 

"Sweetums I didn't know it was you!" Todd yelped. He peeked through his fingers. "Wait a minute! What are you doing here?" 

"Well I…" Lance started to say.

"You were peeking in on Wanda weren't you?" Todd's voice rose in anger. 

"Of course not," Lance snapped. "I was…" 

"DIE!" Todd tackled Lance. 

"AGGGGHH!" Mr. Puffin came in and cried out in a high squeal as they fought. "No fighting! No fighting!" 

"Oh shut up you big sissy!" Wanda slapped him. 

Mr. Puffin screamed and ran away. However Hilda walked in on the whole scene. "You little witch!" She slapped Wanda.

Then Wanda got a dangerous look in her eye. "Oh dear," Hilda gulped. "I should not have done that!" 

Lance and Todd stopped wrestling. "SHE'S GONNA BLOW!" Lance shouted.

"Head for the hills!" Todd screamed. 

At the exact same moment Pietro was trying to calm Nora down. "Now Nora I can explain…" He said nervously. 

"That lummox that's the size of the state of Rhode Island is now eating all the ingredients for my all natural fruit detoxifiers!" Nora was crying. "My spa is a shambles, that frog boy destroyed my priceless chandelier! That sister of yours is wrecking the place…"

"It's all just a misunderstanding," Pietro said. 

"Miss Nora!" One attendant ran in. "All the hair dryers have exploded!"

"Miss Nora!" Another attendant ran in. "There's mud everywhere!"

"Miss Nora she hit me!" Mr. Puffin cried. "I can't take this abuse! She hit me!" 

"Who hit you?" Pietro asked. That's when all the lights started to explode. "Of course. Why am I not surprised?" 

A few hours later the Brotherhood returned home. "Thank god," Lance groaned. "I thought we'd never make it back alive!" 

"I can't take you idiots anywhere can I?" Pietro snapped. "Thanks to you morons, Mr. Puffin has handed in his notice, Nora has had a nervous breakdown and I'll never be able to go to another spa in this state again!" 

"Well at least that's some good news," Todd grumbled. "I still smell like a fruit salad!" 

"You idiots are in such trouble!" Pietro snapped. "If Magneto finds out what you did…"

"Actually dear brother he already does," Wanda held up a cell phone. 

"What?" Pietro went white.

Wanda grinned as she spoke on the phone. "Well actually it was Pietro's idea. Yes I thought you'd figure that out. I think I'll let him explain. Pietro, Father wants to have a word with you!" 

"Thanks a lot sis," Pietro hissed. "Um…sir…I can explain! No! But they…! I know I'm responsible for them but…but…but…" He started to visibly sweat. 

"Somebody's gonna get it," Todd said in a sing song voice.

"Shut up!" Pietro snapped. "No! Not you sir! But I…But I…!"

"Hey this day didn't end so badly after all," Lance grinned. 

"Yeah," Fred nodded. "We should have a day out more often." 


End file.
